That’s what the honeymoon’s for, right?
So, it’s official. Hardly anyone has sex on their wedding night anymore. According to a U.K. financial planning website, less than half (48 percent) of newlyweds actually consummate the marriage on their wedding night. But, before everyone has a panicky fit and cancels the wedding, the absence of wedding night passion doesn’t necessarily mean your new marriage does, ladies.
Let’s break it down. Of the couples not having the sexy times, in 24% of the cases the groom was too drunk, in 13%, the bride was, or was too tired (16%).
This might be the strongest incentive for an alcohol-free wedding, beyond spiritual reasons- who hasn’t experienced the beckoning arms of the dreamy coma once a glass (or several…ahem, bottles) of wine has been consumed?
Other reasons include:
- Had to watch kids (11%)
- Had fight before reception ended (9%)
- Needed to leave for honeymoon (9%)
- Pulled an all-nighter partying (7%)
- Groom too tired (4%)
- Neither felt like it (4%)
So, when you look at it, it’s not really the disaster anticipated when you say that half of all marriages are reportedly not consummated on the official night. Well, 9% is rather high for fights at the reception; then again, you can afford yourself some slack. Weddings are stressful.
Just because you’re marrying your beloved doesn’t mean you are able to tolerate crazy aunt Maureen’s snide jibes about the food, or he can deal with the destructive tornado that are your nieces, any better than at Christmas or Easter, or the other stupid festive occasions when you have to socialise with one another’s random relatives. If you find yourself fighting, take a deep breath and remind yourself why you are there, and what you guys are doing. Not to sound depressing, but it might be worth considering preempting this kind of thing. Write each other a kind message a few days before, and read them if things start getting heated (in the bad way of course; steamy wedding night heat is perfectly acceptable) just to keep you on track.
So, sex isn’t a wedding night imperative. What does this mean, then?
Well, it takes the pressure off, for starters. In this day and age, most couples are romantically involved before the wedding night anyway, so whilst the significance of the first session as husband and wife shouldn’t be trivialised, it certainly isn’t on the same level as couples in the arranged or pledged marriages of old. Back in the day when premarital relations were frowned upon, the wedding night was important because it denoted the purity of the marriage, and sheets were paraded in public the morning after to, ahem, assure society of the bride’s innocence before her husband. Gross, I know, but there you go.
Nowadays, this isn’t a tradition (thank the lord) and most couples are in relationships for years before pledging themselves to one another. Therefore, your wedding night, and subsequently your wedding day, is free to be what you make it. The biggest inhibitors of the late night lovin’ are essentially that; it’s late, you’ve partied hard, and just because this is your wedding night doesn’t mean your drunken desire for kebabs and sleep have magically transformed into coherent lust.
So. You find yourself in the honeymoon suite with a snoring lump of husband instead of the hot passionate hunk you envisaged; wondering hysterically whether it’s acceptable to engineer some sort of sexual situation with a guy who’s passed out from champagne, as long as it’s your new husband? Well, take a metaphorical step back and breathe for a moment. Ask yourself; did you guys have fun in the day? Did you celebrate your new love as ardently as you possibility could, by socialising with the guests, partying hard on the dance floor and drinking copious alcoholic beverages? If you’re answering yes to these, then everything is fine. You don’t necessarily need sex to feel happy, and fulfilled with your new husband. You have the honeymoon for that, after all!
After reading around a few articles, the general comments seems to be in support of this.
Most don’t see it as an issue, and are relaxed about it, like ddubbez:
“I’d rather have great, passionate sex the following day than “I’m-dead-tired-but-I-guess-we-have-to-do-it-cuz-it’s-our-wedding-night” sex.”
Some couples readily embrace the probability of no-wedding sex:
“We have already established that we won’t be. We hope to be drunk and very tired and happy and ready to collapse into sleep by bed time! There are plenty of other nights for having sex.” (baffled111)
Others are getting creative;
“I’ve already promised my FI that we’ll do it, and have even planned some time for it (heehee, I know, romantic, right?). We’re" planning to sneak out of our reception 30 minutes early, so we can have time to “change and set up for the after party”, but really it’s so we have time to rip off each others clothes!” (Mrs. Cola)
Others still are adamant they’ve waited long enough, and nothing short of the world ending will get in the way of their antics; “Yeah, after waiting 24 years, there was NO WAY Mr. Bunny and I wouldn’t do it on the night of! It was inevitable.” (bunny)
So it’s really a matter of opinion. For some, doing the deed (or deeds, if you guys are particularly energetic) on the night is important, whilst for others, whenever it happens is fine. Whatever your opinion, be sure to talk to your intended before the night, to avoid any sticky situations (no pun intended there) and ensure both of you are comfortable with what may (or may not) be happening.