Things can happen on any night together- the night of your wedding is really no different. Keep these points in mind to offer a bit of support!
Your wedding night is not just the beginning of your honeymoon (and everyone knows how important it is) it is also officially recognised as THE night of your life- the first sleep of your married lives; the closure of the day you became husband and wife; and for some, it’ll also be the first time they’ve been, um, well, intimate, with their beloved. Or, indeed, anyone.
But whether this is the first time you see your husband below the shirt- and trousers, and, well, everything- or the millionth (well, maybe not that excessive, but you get the point. Animals!), it’s going to feel like the very first time you have. Because, in a way, it is. You may be an avid supporter of Sex Before Marriage (preach it, sista!) or you may have had the healthiest, most regular antics with him since you started dating, but you have to face the fact that if you are accustomed to sleeping with him, and are fully confident you know every little detail about making him tick, you are going to forget every single one of them on your wedding night. Because however confident you are with Mr. Boyfriend, that guy seems to have somehow morphed into a complete stranger since saying “I do.”
This is normal. You’re panicking because that’s what we women do- there’s nothing I love more than a good ol’ hyperventilating sesh, especially when it has no origin or valid cause. There’s no logic to it- why would Husband suddenly have accumulated a completely different set of sexual principles to Boyfriend? But that’s how you’ll feel.
So relax, breathe, keeping reading.
He’s likely to be feeling exactly the same.
Because he’s human, and is probably oozing the same irrational craziness you are. Men just hide it better. How, I’ll never know- I don’t even think they do, really. Either way, if you’re sitting in the bathroom of your honeymoon suite frantically praying that your hands will stop shaking by the time you have to undo his belt! (let’s be honest, those things are hard enough at the best of times)
Top tip: play it coy and pretend you want him to do it for you. Nothing like a bit of innocent-eyed sneakiness) he’s probably in the next room googling the best way to suavely snap open a bra.
Stress doesn’t help, it makes things worse.
Within the private sphere of relationships, there are certain scenarios that are stressful– I’m talking performance issues, for those “innocent” one amongst you- and the worse they are, the more stressful they become, in a sexual Pygmalion.
Effect manner. Sometimes, this can be attributed to a little careless overindulgence with the champagne throughout the day. Calms the nerves, keeps the excitement, and it tastes damn good.
That’s easy to do, let’s be honest- your wedding is the one day in your life you can pop a cork at 7am whilst you’re getting your hair curled and nobody can tell you off- and it’s harder to hide as the man. Other times, it is the aforementioned irrational panic at strike, which is a little harder to deal with.
But it CAN be.
This works both ways, of course, and the best way to get over the bury-my-head-and-die response is to realise that. Laugh a little bit. If something isn’t working, take a break, come back to it. It doesn’t matter if you spend half an hour just talking- you’re together. This evening is about coming closer together, and most people would do well to remember that they are more ways of doing that than jumping between the sheets.
Now is not the time to try Cosmopolitan’s Move No. 16.
Sexual experimentation is great, invigorating and a fun way of exploring the multitude of ways you can be intimate with your partner.
I highly recommend it.
However, your wedding night is most assuredly NOT the time to be cracking open the tarpaulin and olive oil (yes, that’s a thing. Think adult slip ‘n’ slide, but a greasy one that will leave you craving chips) or googling painful and potentially damaging sexual positions. Your honeymoon can be the time you spend tangled up in physics-defying sexual performances, hopefully after you’ve spent some time limbering up in preparation. Feel free to demand a month-long honeymoon in order to truly tackle the Karma Sutra, I don’t think your new husband will really be voicing any objections at this point.
The wedding night on the other hand, considering the reasonable stress you guys will be under (not that you should be, remember, nothing scary here) it’s important to play safe. Generally, people find most comfortable what they find familiar, so stick with what you know, but with the view to using this as a solid foundation for exploration. There are ‘safe’ things you can try that may be new, or sufficiently different, to add spark to the night. Baths together or massages are great for relaxing, and keep the romance. Treat yourself to a brand new set of underwear- Ann Summers, or if you’re of a certain level, Agent Provocateaur (a bride should have no expenses spared, and I personally would sell my friends for one of their corsets. All of my friends, all of them.)- and revel in just how glorious you are.
Take Embarrassing Moments in Your Stride.
It’s two (we imagine, unless my earlier “don’t go extreme” advice didn’t really correlate with your tastes as a couple) people alone together, with sex on the agenda at some point- so most likely anything that could be problematic, will be. But that’s life; who hasn’t accidentally elbowed a lover in the face, or tripped over their own feet whilst doing the sexy walk-backwards-to-the-bed- which is essentially just a death wish? And, well, sex is kinda gross in itself, if we’re honest. Revel in it.
The key thing to keep in mind, here, is that this you are someone’s wife, and this is your husband. There’s no need to worry about impressing one another- you’ve already done that, you married each other, after all. Think of it more as an opportunity for rediscovery- a time to reflect on how well you already click together, and revisiting all of those ways. Or, if this is your first time together, create that understanding between you. Find out what the other likes, what you like, and do it.
Take it easy, take it slow. You have the rest of your lives together, remember?