Many marriages fall at the same hurdles, here are the top six and how best to get over them.
Unfortunately every marriage has it’s own issues and small problems can often get blown out of proportion. If you are prepared for these most common marriage problems you’ll stand a better chance of getting past them with minimal damage to your relationship.
You’re probably wondering how on Earth sex could possibly be a problem. Well, it’s not so much sex itself that’s the problem, but rather the lack of it. Though there will be times when neither of you feel up to it, especially if you have kids or a demanding job, intimacy is still important. Sex releases hormones that enable you to connect on a physical and emotional level. Planning your sexy-time might not feel that romantic at first, but if you both lead busy lives it might be the only way to get your fix regularly. If this seems too forced to you then make time for some intimate cuddling, just the two of you. You may find that this will have the desired effect! If you continue to struggle with conflicting sex drives then don’t feel embarrassed about talking to a doctor or therapist to get some extra help.
It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important; especially if you have a lot of demands on your time. If you find yourself putting work, hobbies or other family members before your spouse, don’t be surprised to find that they end up doing the same. This is a sure recipe for disaster and can breed resentment. Remember to appreciate your partner by acknowledging everything that they do for you and showing your appreciation by respecting them, praising them and showing an interest in their interests. Spending time together, preferably alone, is also a must. Date nights sound like such a cliche but remember how it was early on in your relationship? You’d take time over your appearance and make an effort to do fun things together to show your appreciation for one another. Date nights can reawaken those feelings that you may have forgotten.
Trust is an extremely important component in any relationship. If you and your spouse don’t trust each other you cannot brush the issue under the carpet. This lack of trust needs to be addressed and resolved. In order to maintain trust you must try to avoid lying to your partner whenever possible. Your spouse is supposed to be someone that you can confide in completely so you shouldn’t have reasons to lie to them. Keeping promises, even little ones, like calling when you say you will, will enable your partner to believe that you will keep your word. Trusting someone isn’t just about the facts, it’s about feeling able to express your emotions. Be attentive to your partner’s needs, listening when they need you to and never making them feel uncomfortable about their emotions.
Disagreements are natural- you are never going to see eye to eye on everything. Conflict can arise over any number of small issues: money, family, chores etc. It’s important to address these problems when they arise but it must be done in a calm manner with as little aggression as possible. Put your weapons down when it comes to these petty disagreements; it’s more important to forgive and forget than to hold onto resentment- whether you are right or not. You choose how you react to different situations, if you feel yourself becoming angry then take a calm, deep breath and think before you speak to avoid something that you’ll regret later.
Sometimes this problem is a small one, but it can quickly escalate to epic proportions. It’s not only during marriage that this elephant in the room rears it’s ugly head- it can become an issue early on in any relationship so it’s best to address it as soon as you can. Always be honest with each other about your independent financial situations and never hide any debt as this can lead to trust issues down the line. Save when you can as it will avoid any tensions that could arise due to unforeseen bills, and always try to stick within an agreed budget. Above all; plan as best you can. Many bills are inevitable so there is no excuse to not be prepared for them.
All of the above problems would be handled a lot easier if it weren’t for this final biggie: communication. I don’t know what it is about us as a species but we have some serious communication issues. We have no excuse as we have the most complex language skills of any other animal on the planet, yet somehow we always seem to misunderstand each other. Remember the basics and you should be able to get past it. Give your spouse your full attention when they are talking to you- making your time together a mobile-free zone will make this easier. Listen to your other half and try to understand what they are saying to you, don’t merely listen so that you can respond- not all stories need a response, just acknowledgement. Finally, never interrupt your partner and remember the basic polite rules of conversation- listen attentively and be mindful of your body language: you may be listening but if your gaze is fixed on the TV then how is your partner to know you heard them?
Check out this post for more tips on preparing for a lifetime of happiness together!